


What is Real?

by A Magiluna Stormwriter (ariestess)



Category: Leverage
Genre: Community: femme_fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-16
Updated: 2010-10-16
Packaged: 2017-11-05 22:04:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/411483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariestess/pseuds/A%20Magiluna%20Stormwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"You're the closest thing I've ever had to a real friend and I've never heard you say my real name.  How sad is that?"</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	What is Real?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [havocthecat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/havocthecat/gifts).



> Date Written: 15 October 2010  
> Word Count: 1204  
> Written for: [](http://femme-fic.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**femme_fic**](http://femme-fic.dreamwidth.org/) 2010  
>  Recipient: [](http://havocthecat.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**havocthecat**](http://havocthecat.dreamwidth.org/)  
>  Prompt: [How does a grifter develop genuine friendships when so much of who she appears to be is an act?](http://femme-fic.dreamwidth.org/663.html?thread=663&style=light#cmt663)  
> Summary: _"You're the closest thing I've ever had to a real friend and I've never heard you say my real name. How sad is that?"_  
>  Spoilers: This takes place while Sophie's on her sabbatical to find herself during Season 2. [Episode 02x04 "The Fairy Godparents Job"](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1473606/) and [episode 02x07 "The Two Live Crew Job"](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1482638/) are specifically mentioned and dealt with in this story.  
> Website: ShatterStorm Productions – Frisked & Conquered  
> Link to: <http://f-n-c.shatterstorm.net/>  
> Archive: ShatterStorm Productions, [](http://femme-fic.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**femme_fic**](http://femme-fic.dreamwidth.org/), and AO3 only…all others ask for permission & we'll see…
> 
> Author’s Disclaimer: "Leverage," the characters, and situations depicted are the property of Dean Devlin, Electric Entertainment, and Turner Network Television (TNT). This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. This site is in no way affiliated with "Leverage," TNT, or any representatives of the actors.
> 
> Author’s Notes: The minute I saw this prompt, I jumped on it. I had such big plans for this story prompt, things I wanted to add in about each of the aliases we've seen or heard of, as well as each of her friendships with the women and the men in the team. And I'm actually going to follow through with them, when I have a lot more time and a lot less deadlines, so I can really do with this what I wanted to initially. There's going to be a much longer, more fleshed out version of this down the line. I just don't know when yet.
> 
> The background information and alias names that were used and/or considered came from one of the following sites :: [Leverage Fan Wiki](http://leverage-wiki.tnt.tv/page/Sophie+Devereaux), [Paradisa Wiki](http://paradisa.wikia.com/wiki/Sophie_Devereaux), [Wikia [Sophie Devereaux]](http://leverage.wikia.com/wiki/Sophie_Devereaux), [Wikia [Katherine Clive]](http://leverage.wikia.com/wiki/Katherine_Clive), & [Wikia [Sophie's Real Name]](http://leverage.wikia.com/wiki/Sophie%27s_Real_Name), as well as [episode 02x04 "The Fairy Godparents Job"](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1473606/). The name Siobhan McCairney was actually taken from an earlier fic of mine called ["Reborn"](http://ariestess.dreamwidth.org/1306918.html), though the two stories are not necessarily related.
> 
> Dedication: To my muses, for always coming through in the end.
> 
> Beta: A HUGE shout-out to tater for doing a last minute beta for me, after shaych_03 asked her for me. I really appreciate it!

With a heavy sigh, you gather all of the playbills collected over the length of your career and carefully set them in the box labeled "Katherine Clive". The newspaper articles, some yellowed and brittle, rest in their photo albums and scrapbooks. Perhaps, one day, if you return to the team, you can talk Hardison into transferring all of those memories into a more permanent and safer digital version. But if you do return, Katherine Clive will be truly dead and buried, and why would you want to dredge up the temptation to resurrect that life again? It's time to move on, to do what you told Nate you needed to do. And Katherine Clive can no more do that for you than any of your other aliases. All they can do is let you continue to lie to yourself, move further and further from the reality of your oh so solitary life.

It wasn't enough to leave and try to sink under the radar. It wasn't enough to bury first Katherine Clive, and later Sophie Devereaux. It wasn't enough to send Tara in as a potentially permanent replacement. It wasn't even enough to be honest with Widmark Fowler in the Dalton Academy boys' lavatory before the "science-ical".

Nate really should have given you more time to prepare for that musical. The man is a complete clod when it comes to anything even hinting at refinement or the performing arts. At least the students had a modicum of talent to carry the bulk of the show before Widmark came in and stole the spotlight. Oh, the things you could teach him about acting and music. But the con is over, and has been for quite some time now. Widmark has probably moved on with his life. Hopefully he's continued performing. He really is quite talented.

But the more you think about it, and you've had a lot of time to do just that, it all started with that bloody heart to heart with Widmark. You're still thoroughly bemused that you opened up to that boy so easily. But it was so bloody easy to admit to your deepest misgivings, wasn't it? It's not like he'll ever see you again, or knows any name that will be of consequence to link to you.

Besides, didn't you tell Nate that you needed this time to bury everyone else until only the real you is left?  
Katherine Clive would appear to be the easiest of your aliases to bury for good, considering you already killed and buried her. Okay, Marcus Starke killed her. Wait\'85 No, it wasn't Starke, it was that Hardison wannabe on his team. What was his name again? Mason something? Whatever. His bomb gave you the impetus to let Katherine -- and Sophie -- die and remain dead in perpetuity.

Hesitation stills your hand on the box's lid. In some ways, Katherine Clive has been your oldest and dearest friend among your aliases. She's the easiest one to fall back into, even if the outward name changes slightly to fit the role. Can you risk the loss of someone that is such an integral part of you?

_You're the closest thing I've ever had to a real friend and I've never heard you say my real name. How sad is that?_

Glancing at the other boxes spread out around you, there's a sense of surprise at just how many there are. As your eyes settle on each box, each name written so painstakingly in the handwriting you'd perfected during your formative years in that all girls boarding school. All you'd wanted back then was to be an actress, gracing the boards of every theatre that would have you. While the other girls formed friendships that would last lifetimes, you spent hours upon hours practicing your signature for the thousands and thousands of autographs you knew you'd be signing all your life. Katherine always did sound so much better than the name your mother saddled you with. The other girls took great delight in ridiculing you and your name. Is it really so surprising that you never formed any lasting relationships in that bloody hellhole?

You weren't lying when you told Nate that you could rattle off all of the important people, places, things, and dates for each of your aliases. Just staring at these boxes proves it. You don't have to open the box labeled Karen to remember that her parents disowned her when she was fifteen because she didn't want to conform to the rigid rules they demanded of her behavior. You relish the memory of that fateful night when you stole your father's Indian and rode off into the darkness, never to darken their doorstep again. It doesn't matter that it never actually happened; you can remember the scent of wood smoke wafting in the air as you drove along the country roads as you escaped that life.

But none of it was _real_.

None of these boxes, none of these aliases, have friends. Real friends. Real people that they could count on, no matter what. And why should they? They're not actual people that exist anywhere but in your head, and for the sake of the con.

Why can't you be more like Parker? She doesn't have a lot of friends, and is still sorely lacking in social niceties, but she's getting better. And yet, she's probably the closest thing you have to a female friend. The boys are the boys. It's nothing against Hardison and Eliot, and they're quite fantastic at their jobs, but they're like brothers. Parker is both sister and friend, all rolled up into one. You won't touch that vague curiosity of what she's like as a lover. Tara cured you of that particular idiosyncrasy. Thankfully, she ended up owing you a large marker that you could use when you left.

You lose several more moments to memories as you sort items into their appropriate boxes and personas. As each box closes, a part of you is locked within its confines until only three boxes remain open: Katherine Clive, Sophie Devereaux, and Siobhan McCairney.

The two most powerful of your aliases and the girl you left behind in that boarding school.

Katherine died from fear at the hands of a bomber. Sophie died from necessity at the hands of a bomber. Siobhan died from embarrassment and shame at the hands of a girl who wanted more than she thought she was worth.

Katherine and Sophie can be resurrected at any time, even if under a different name. But Siobhan has been dead for so very long now, and you're not sure you want to resurrect her. But you can't go back to them -- to your friends, your _family_ \-- until you do. You made a promise to Nate. It was implied to be a promise to the others, even Tara, whether they know it or not. Perhaps it would have been better to tell them that, but there's no going back and redoing things, is there?

But will they even _like_ Siobhan? She's such an insecure, idealistic young thing. Nothing at all like the worldly, sophisticated Sophie Devereaux.

Only time will tell, won't it?


End file.
